Before we even start, let’s make one thing clear: We love us some Britney here at tFS. Love her! The girl is the undisputed denim queen of the 1990s and we adore her grown-up sleek new bob. But new campaign images from her lingerie line have surfaced and there are a few things we need to discuss.
First, while Brit-Brit’s poreless skin is still firmly in uncanny valley range, girl looks damn good, and it’s way less terrifying than the Photoshop nightmare of the first campaign. The second (and more important) thing struck us as we gazed upon her impeccable abdomen: what is up with that belly button ring?
Now, we know this isn’t Brit’s first rodeo when it comes to navel rings. The piercing made its music video debut in 2000’s Lucky, which also means it was a twenty-first-century decision. Still, that’s fifteen years ago! We’re all for a good throwback, but belly rings were among the few trends we hoped would remain in the 90s and early aughts — our own navel and eyebrow piercings are thankfully long gone. (We admit it, Mom: you were right about those.)
Which brings us to our next point: navel rings reject very easily and are among the more difficult piercings to care for. How has Britney’s not closed up? Did she take it out during pregnancy? Was it airbrushed out of the first campaign, or is it a recent acquisition? How many times has she had it re-pierced? By whom and when? Did it get caught on any lingerie lace during the shoot? Does Britney have a little box somewhere full of belly rings with different charms on them? And most importantly, where can we learn that level of incredible commitment? We can hardly remain loyal to one brand of toothpaste for a month, let alone fifteen years of an oft-criticized piercing. That kind of consistency is downright admirable.
We accept that some things are just not meant to be understood by mere mortals like ourselves, but we’re begging you, Britney. Teach us. We want to learn.